Making/Breaking Men

18Apr09

My favourite little cousin was born and raised in Town. Anyone who knows Barbados knows that the neighbourhoods in town maybe categorised as urban villages or working class communities some would even say depressed communities.

On attending one of our islands better schools (according the the Common Entrance pecking order) he was routinely beating by his middle-class peers for not conforming to the hypermasculinity that is usually associated with working class men. He was bullied throughout his school life, bullying that often lead to him needing medical attention. The school did nothing about it. The boys continued to beat him and he refused to fight back.

He has always been an outgoing and friendly child and the attempts of his peers to discipline him to a violent, aggressive, masculinity have not changed his personality. He is a happy, well-adjusted young man with a wide circle of friends.

He’s since left school and is now recognised as a young leader in his church. While i admire his strength Carl Walker’s story reminds me that life could have taken a very different turn for him- the bullying could have killed him or caused him to take his own life.

i’ve written before about homosociality in the Caribbean (it’s actually the most viewed on this blog), but not as much about homophobia and the way we seek to discipline men to a narrow, heterosexual masculinity premised on violence and misogyny. Men for whom this straight-jacket does not fit, who refuse to make the stereotype reality, who choose to live and love as full human beings often pay with their lives. When will we end the silence on this?

In related news, the Mongoose Chronicles‘ look at daggering was picked up by Jezebel, over at the writer over at the Trinidad.Adventist.Gay?! blog has shared his story. Let’s continue the dialogue…


Filed under: Barbados, angry, caribbean, gender   |  2 Comments

2 Responses to “Making/Breaking Men”  

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  1. 1 Trinidad. Adventist. Gay?! on May 11, 2009 said:

    Hey, thanks!
    I will say that I picked-up early on that I needed to be more masculine than I was and “worked on it” so-to-speak.
    I think I would be much more feminine today had I not tried to change my mannerisms. One thing though–it made life immeasurably easier.

    There were very effeminate boys in my school and they generally did not have a good time at all initially–although it was verbal; not physical. With time, most guys just made an accommodation for them (it’s the strangest thing) that involved a don’t-ask-don’t-tell sort of unspoken arrangement.

    In fact even when evidence (and I mean solid) was publicized all over the school about one guy; years later he would still talk about having a girlfriend and many people questioned no further.

    When you say “pay with their lives” however, are you referring to Jamaica?
    Because even in the world that is an anomaly.
    In Trinidad that would be a very unusual thing. As a matter of fact, we just got our first gay character in an ad here (check http://wuzdescene.com ).
    I understand that Barbados ha similar attitudes.

    Lastly, what I have always found difficult about feminism (despite being difficult to define; everyone being vehement about their own peculiar definitions) is the way it plainly seems to try to pathologize masculinity while denying doing so at the same time.
    I would suggest that in the same way you think that misogyny is rampant and insidious (and see it clearly) men see misandry. It sounds bizarre to you I suppose but it is true.

    Who is “right”?
    How do we determine this?

    I would love to hear your thoughts on the state of things from the perspective of evolutionary biology/psychology.

    Reply
  2. 2 Trinidad. Adventist. Gay?! on May 11, 2009 said:

    Oh and I think that things have mercifully loosened-up over the years. Masculinity has indeed been too tightly defined historically in the Caribbean.

    Reply

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